The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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