I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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