jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
