Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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