conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
