I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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