I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I believe in your delicious
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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