Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Randomize
