ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
