Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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