He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
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