toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
