It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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