Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
