highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
