This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
