it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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