Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
