He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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