Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Send help, water and tortillas.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
