We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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