I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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