We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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