Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
