Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just had sex on a roof
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize