Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
