Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
