my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize