The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
