Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my being single is dangerous.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize