Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
