the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Your cock deserves a montage
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
