I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Couch. On fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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