3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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