Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sext me about skeletons
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
