yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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