Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
NoShamevember. You game?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
