Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
