I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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