that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Boobs are out for the taking
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
