so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
