Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
