Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
