ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
