Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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