He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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