I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
