Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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