i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
