you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
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I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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