You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
