haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
