nut hugger
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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