You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
