U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
