I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
