so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
