That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
