Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
