i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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