I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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