you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
