I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
