As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
