Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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