Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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