worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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