I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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