they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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