I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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