maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
