and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
