Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
