matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
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I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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