The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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