i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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