You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
