She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
